bitter.cold.

I have always loved cold weather.
Fall is my favorite season. I love the month of October, the bright changing of the leaves, the crisp, cool breeze on an early autumn night. I love football and pumpkin spice lattes, boots, sweaters and scarves, Halloween and Thanksgiving, and the excitement of winter and Christmas right around the corner. I love snow and ice, hot chocolate and cozy couches, and the nip on your nose as you step out into a winter wonderland.
That being said...
I HATE winter in Paraguay!!!
June and July have turned into dreaded months for me, and I despise cold weather here. The Paraguayans say - How are you so cold if you live where it snows? People in the United States imagine - It can't be that bad. Let me paint you a picture...
During the day temperatures linger between 40-60 degrees. When the sun goes down, temperatures dip into the 40s and 30s, occasionally frosting overnight. Add the humidity, making the cold even heavier.
The weather in itself though is not what makes the winter so miserable. It's the fact that you cannot escape it. Houses and buildings are made of brick or wood with no insulation. Oftentimes, there are holes and broken windows where the wind can enter. There is no heat or fireplace. People sometimes light charcoal or have a small electric heater, but there really is no way to heat up a room. The most common and enjoyable ways to stay warm are drinking mate, sitting in the sun, or laying bundled up in your bed.
The cold is so terrible; it's impossible to fully describe. You can't feel your toes, you have a chill that continuously runs up and down your spine. And, I guess as it has to, life continues just as normal. People still work, there is still school, people still have birthday parties and meetings, despite how hard it is to get up in the morning or how many layers they have to don.


Despite the cold and the numbness, the bitterness that I feel inside and out is what does me in during the Paraguayan winter. And the hardest thing is deciphering whether it comes from the shame of the luxuries of central heating, warm clothes, and cars that spoiled me in the States or the resentment for the way people just indifferently adapt to less-than-pleasant circumstances rather than changing them.
Or maybe it's just from the cold itself.