When I first started this blog before I had even left the United States, I envisioned it to be an intellectual, reflective space where I indulged in my feelings and experiences and as a side effect stirred envy and admiration from my family and friends at home. I had read so many beautifully written blogs and loved the way they captured the most heartbreaking and heart-filled moments of the idealized Peace Corps life. But as my blog never turned out the way I expected, neither did my service. For most people, Peace Corps is not a collection of successes and moving epiphanies but rather 2 long years of quotidian life in a different reality.
When I look back on the things I thought I would "accomplish" here, I am shocked at my naivete and arrogance. Here at the end of my 2+ years in Paraguay, I am more proud of my journey of self-discovery, the cultural affection I have developed, my friendships that transcend all boundaries, and the relationship I have built with a person that I love. The tiny steps that it took to attain these triumphs were not blog-worthy stories or Kodak moments for a Peace Corps ad but a blur of days when this stopped being an experience and became my life. I have found my family, my friends, and my home here, and as I got into the pace of my Paraguayan existence, I no longer felt the need to justify the integrity of it all by publicizing their habits, flaws, and opinions, our arguments, jokes, and heart to hearts for the rest of the world to see. So just as with many of my community projects and my previous hopes and plans for my Peace Corps service, my blog posts found themselves in one of two positions: incomplete or on the back burner. While I regret having not been able to share and expose more of what Paraguay and my life here is like, I appreciate the small collection of somewhat poised memoirs that I have created here in my personal cyber space. As always, nothing turns out to be the masterpiece you had imagined, but I continue with my constant belief that the paint splattered just the way it should.
In less than a month, when I leave this precious place, I will be forever thankful to the path that brought me to this tiny point in the map of the world and to the people who have loved me unconditionally as I have them. And since in a month, that goodbye will be too painful to bear, I will now officially say goodbye to my blog and goodbye to Paraguay. Fue un placer.
Thinking of you. Thank you for expressing what I could not say. Love you, Lizzie.
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