Against and in defense of this petty blog...

When I first started this blog before I had even left the United States, I envisioned it to be an intellectual, reflective space where I indulged in my feelings and experiences and as a side effect stirred envy and admiration from my family and friends at home. I had read so many beautifully written blogs and loved the way they captured the most heartbreaking and heart-filled moments of the idealized Peace Corps life. But as my blog never turned out the way I expected, neither did my service. For most people, Peace Corps is not a collection of successes and moving epiphanies but rather 2 long years of quotidian life in a different reality.
When I look back on the things I thought I would "accomplish" here, I am shocked at my naivete and arrogance. Here at the end of my 2+ years in Paraguay, I am more proud of my journey of self-discovery, the cultural affection I have developed, my friendships that transcend all boundaries, and the relationship I have built with a person that I love. The tiny steps that it took to attain these triumphs were not blog-worthy stories or Kodak moments for a Peace Corps ad but a blur of days when this stopped being an experience and became my life. I have found my family, my friends, and my home here, and as I got into the pace of my Paraguayan existence, I no longer felt the need to justify the integrity of it all by publicizing their habits, flaws, and opinions, our arguments, jokes, and heart to hearts for the rest of the world to see. So just as with many of my community projects and my previous hopes and plans for my Peace Corps service, my blog posts found themselves in one of two positions: incomplete or on the back burner. While I regret having not been able to share and expose more of what Paraguay and my life here is like, I appreciate the small collection of somewhat poised memoirs that I have created here in my personal cyber space. As always, nothing turns out to be the masterpiece you had imagined, but I continue with my constant belief that the paint splattered just the way it should.
In less than a month, when I leave this precious place, I will be forever thankful to the path that brought me to this tiny point in the map of the world and to the people who have loved me unconditionally as I have them. And since in a month, that goodbye will be too painful to bear, I will now officially say goodbye to my blog and goodbye to Paraguay. Fue un placer.

Being a Tourist in the USA

In November, I had the wonderful experience of taking a trip home to visit my gente and have a nice relaxing vacay in the glorious Estados Unidos.

Family and friends were visited; delicious food was consumed, and life in the easy, breezy United States of America was seen from a Paraguayan lens. And while I wasn't seeking answers or comparisons, some simple observations were hard to avoid.

1. Options! While I spend so many days complaining due to lack of options here, I was completely overwhelmed by the array of stores, brands, styles, colors of any and everything. You don't have to eat just the meal of the day; you can choose from this 300 item menu that can be adapted to your dietary needs AND served on your favorite color plate if you want! After stuttering and sweating through each selection process, it left me feeling like I just wanted to sink back into a cave and eat the meal of the day...

2. Convenience and comfort! Oh how I miss my car! I absolutely loved being able to drive, to go anywhere at anytime, to know exactly where to go to efficiently get exactly what I want. I loved taking lots of nice showers, being clean, doing laundry. So many of these conveniences make life so much safer, cleaner, less frustrating but the line does have to be drawn on what is useful and what is excessive.

3. Technology! So much everywhere you look! In the race for advancement and technology, so many things were created, people trying to "do." It now seems that people are trying to undo what they overdid... Trying to get back to the basics so that people, instead of computers, can have jobs, and they can eat clean food rather than processed packaged chemical-filled mush, and have kids that aren't fat, lazy and spoiled all the meanwhile trying to compensate for the harm done to Mother Nature through a new "green" routine and hybrid car. Sometimes medicines have their side effects... Come down to Paraguay where life hasn't been as much tinkered with.

After my trip to the US, I felt even more confirmed that my two worlds live at two ends of the spectrum, and the realities of each can be incredibly shocking. But when I look through pictures from my trip home, I see the same things that I see in my pictures of Paraguay - beautiful scenery, people I love, and weird things I want to show to someone else :)
I'll leave you with one of each.

Kindness. Compassion. Love.

While savoring the last days of my vacation in the United States, I received the news of the tragic death of Peace Corps Paraguay Volunteer, Emily Balog. While there are so many things to say after an incident like this, understatements and conciseness will serve me better so as not to misrepresent my understanding of Emily, her family and friends, her life, her death. We had only met once, but when reading the news, not only did I feel stunned as a member of this Volunteer community, but also because Emily was a Carolina girl, a Tarheel, and as I read the story of the harrowing car accident that took her life, I was in Boone, North Carolina in my home, surrounded by my family. To know that a couple hours down the road, a family's entire past, reality, and dreams were being upheaved and their hearts torn in two while we were all sitting around watching football and folding laundry, like I'm sure they had done many a Sunday evening, was unbearably painful. Core shaking.


Living by yourself in a foreign country for 2 years puts a lot of time on your hands and a lot of thoughts in your head. Like all people, I have probably spent way too much time pondering life and death, and the only conclusion I have come to is not a profound product discovered in the midst of such mental agony but rather an acknowledgement of a simple principle that I have always known. And that is, the best thing we can do in this life is be kind and treat one another with love and compassion.


Coming to Paraguay two years ago as a bright-eyed, optimistic Peace Corps Volunteer, I thought it was about a lot more, cliche phrases like "making a difference" ... "giving back" ... "leaving the world a better place" all ringing in my ears. Now I've realized it's so much more simple than that. Because it's not an accomplishment; it's a way of life. It shouldn't be a competition or a campaign; it's a duty of humankind. And if everyone, up to politicians and rich men, regarded each action with those principles in mind, there wouldn't exist so many conflicts and discrepancies waiting to be solved.

So I will meditate it with each breath I take throughout the ins and outs of my daily life and channel it into each interaction and every decision. "Be kind and treat one another with love and compassion." And in that, I will have confidence that I have done my best, that I have served this world. Because I'm sure people remember and appreciated Emily's kindness, compassion, and love the most.

Sisters!

Argentina... Mexico... Honduras... Belize, Guatemala, El Salvador... And now to be added to the list of countries that my sister Emily and I have visited together - Chile and Paraguay.
Emily has always loved traveling. It fits her very well - she's adventurous, social, confident. I, on the other hand, was always a bit more sensitive and unsure, a homebody and a scaredy cat. But as younger sisters are, I was inspired by Emily and her exciting travel experiences. By the people she met, the places she saw and fell in love with, and the person that was awakened inside of her. In the end, seeing this in her was what pushed me to take my first trips, and I am so thankful she turned me on to the beauty of travel.

Although we both desperately love to travel, we're not necessarily the best travelers. We tend to just show up somewhere, without having done any research or made any plans. And that is exactly what happened for our trip to Chile. We booked a random hotel the day before we arrived and planned to meet there. After a long day of travel, I was so happy and relieved to open our hotel door and find myself reunited with my sister after a year and a half!
For the next 4 days, we spent getting to know Santiago and its surroundings. Since we did not come in any way prepared, each day we had to begin by asking, "What are we going to do today?" and each night with "Where are we going to sleep?" Due to our limited time and budget in combination with Chile's long, skinny shape, we were unable to travel very far out of Santiago, but we enjoyed what we could. We explored the city, visited the coast, did some hiking, toured a winery, went to Starbucks and saw Harry Potter 7! Ya know, the important things...


After Chile, I was anxious to introduce my sister to Paraguay. As my travel buddy and someone who also knows and loves todo lo que es Latin America, I knew she would enjoy and appreciate it. She was able to converse with the people in my community, giving her and them a deeper exchange. We spent Sunday with asado, cerveza, and futbol at Benito's house. The next night Benito and his sister, Zulema came over to make pizza. In the following days, we toured the town, stopped by the school, visited Ceferina. Oh and became Glee and True Blood addicts.


One evening we were invited to eat mbeju, my favorite Paraguayan food, at a family's house. The family has 6 kids, 2 older teenage boys, 3 girls (Tati 14, Tiara 7, Yamila 5), and a 2 year old "terror" named Kevin. The girls and I are pretty close, and it was fun to spend time with them and my sister. We ate, talked, and laughed at the constant entertainment of Kevin. They gave us presents for the Dia de la Amistad (July 30), and they performed for us their dances from the Escuela de Danza. They wrote letters and made flowers for Emily to take to Mom. It was a really special night. Since I met them, I've had a soft spot for the sisters, and I realized that night watching them play and dance, it's probably because they remind me of Emily and I when we were little.




Between Chile and travel time in Paraguay, it felt like Emily's visit flew by. Before we knew it, I was putting her on a plane with a bunch of Brazilians and Americans, and I was missing her again. For some reason for us, like clockwork, right before we go on a trip, we get this feeling that we don't want to go, and then by the end, we don't want to leave. I was very devastated when Emily left; I had loved being with her, talking and arguing and sharing and giggling as sisters do. Because when you're apart from someone, not only do you miss out on going out and laughing and spending time together, but you miss out on being there for each other, giving advice, giving hugs, wiping away tears. I wish my sister and I could have done all of those things together in the past year and a half, but I guess advice in forms of email, hugs through a computer screen, 2 weeks of traveling, and a sisters' bond and love that transcends oceans, mountains, and miles will have to do for now.
I looove you Sister!!

Great Friends Come to Paraguay

"Yeah I saw Lizzie walking around with her friends - one fat girl and one skinny boy."

When Ceferina repeated to us this man's comment, we died laughing to the point of tears. The hilariousness of this quote sums up my friends' Anna and Ingram's trip to Paraguay. Between hysterical comments, general confusion, and ridiculous outings, we had a ball. So what might 3 Carolina girls in Paraguay do, you might ask??

We talk on the radio.

Three norteamericanas are treated as celebrities in my town, and we were invited to speak on an afternoon radio show. With Ing and Ann speaking little to no Spanish, this was not the most ideal setup for a radio interview, but I played translator. Jorge grilled Ing and Ann with so many questions, and I was back and forth between the languages. At one point, he asked Ingram what was her first impression of Natalio, and I was saying her answer when she caught my eye and said "You are still speaking in English!!" I'm sure we either highly entertained or bored the listening audience with our giggle fits and language barriers, but it was definitely a memorable experience for us.

We go to a birthday party.

My friend Felicia's birthday party was supposed to be a Sunday lunch, but when she found out that I would be picking up my friends on that day, she decided to change it to Monday night and invited the 3 of us. It was ghastly freezing on this particular night, and no amount of bundling up could prepare us for the long night ahead of us. Paraguayan birthday asados are never in any rush, despite the frigid 30s temperature. We arrived around 6:00; the meat was still cooking, and everyone was seated around a charcoal fire, drinking mate. We joined in and rather quickly lost the feeling in our toes and fingers. An hour or two later, it was finally time to eat, and we along with about 20 other people gathered around the tables to enjoy delicious asado, sopa paraguaya, and mandioca. As we leaned back in our chairs, bellies full, the wine started flowing, and someone whipped out a guitar. Pitcher after pitcher, guarani song after after guarani, photo after photo, the party carried on. As Virgilio, the life of the party, was revving up, his son Benito (13) was keeping us entertained with his endless, broken English chatter. Virgilio was intent on dragging each and every female out onto the dance floor, and at one point, Benito said to Ingram, "There are 2 things I hate: drunks and crazies. But I love my dad." Finally somewhere between 10:30 and I'm-an-ice-cube, they brought out the cake. Relieved at the site of something signaling the end, we wolfed the cake and prepared for goodbyes. Then to our surprise... Virgilio showed up with a full pitcher of wine and coke. We made a plan to fill up our cups and drink it fast so that the concoction would run out quicker meaning we could go sooner, but as the pitcher was emptied and refilled, we realized that Virgilio was not at all concerned with the time or the numbness in our toes and was more convinced that we were still enjoying ourselves. Finally we begged Benito enough to whine to his mom enough to cut VIrgilio off and end the party just shy after 1 AM. We couldn't appreciate the experience until a few days later when we had finally warmed up a bit, but it was an outrageous Paraguayan affair that was hard to top.



We go to a waterfall with a pregnant woman who is on bedrest.
(And talk on the radio again.)

While talking on the radio, many people were texting in, inviting us to come visit their school or their house. One mother from my school named Ña Teresa texted in asking if we wanted to go with her to Salto Tembey, a waterfall in Yatytay. We said yes, and she came to pick us up the next afternoon. We rode in her truck and drank mate on our drive down the dirt road. Once we got to the waterfall, we walked around, hopped on rocks, and took pictures. At one point, 40-some year old, 7-month pregnant Ña Teresa in her pink leopard velour suit was crawling out over the rocks and yelled back that she was on bedrest, which made me appreciate even more her kindness and hospitality.

On the way back home, Ña Teresa decided to call back into the radio to give a report of our trip to the waterfall, then having to pass the phone around and translate yet again. Jorge was so excited that we went and was very proud to now call Salto Tembey "an international tourist attraction."

We peel an orange.

"Lizzie's been here a year and doesn't even know how to peel an orange." These were some of Ceferina's first words to my friends as she sat outside her house sucking on sugar cane. She then makes me pluck some oranges off the tree. First she demonstrates how to peel an orange. She then makes Ing and Ann prove their abilities. Then I take the orange and peel it, and she exclaims, "Oh you do know how to peel an orange after all."

We go for a ride in the police truck.

Natalio recently got a new police chief. He is a young excited man from Asuncion, and I have met him several times. When he heard my friends were in town, he tracked me down in the street to invite us to go for a ride in the new police truck. Of course, we said yes. Luckily it was a gorgeous sunny day, and Ing and Ann were able to see the beautiful landscapes of the district of Natalio. We went all over the county and out to Triunfo, the town on the Rio Parana, dividing us from Argentina. We took pictures and of course had to share a Kodak moment with Mr. Aviators himself. After we'd already been riding for more than an hour, he started getting a little carried away and was talking about us all going to eat lunch in San Rafael, about an hour away. I had to cut him off and make up some excuse for why we needed to go home. He of course responded with Ok, tomorrow then, and I had to avoid his phone calls for the next 4 days. But a little awkwardness was worth it for a ride in the police truck.

We have an American party.

Ing and Ann were in town during what was for us Winter Break so looking for some vacation and American-ness, my 2 friends Miguel and Andy also came down to see Erik and I. Saturday night we had a big American party at Erik's house. There was a bonfire, pizza, beer pong; you would have thought we were in Chapel Hill on a Friday night. (Or make that any night of the week.) Our night became perfection when we learned that there was a Paraguayan party in my town so we came back on the bus and went over to the big gym where they have the parties. Unfortunately Paraguayan numbers were low so we didn't party crash; we WERE the party. Dancing, playing soccer, Ingram falling, Andy sitting in the bleachers... It was an eventful time later continued at my house with Harry Potter, hammock chats, and pancakes at 2 am. I guess we showed the Paraguayans how it's done, it's just too bad there were only 10 of them at the party to witness it.

We drink wine & eat fruit & watch the sun set.

There is a big meadow at the edge of my town where people go to walk and play soccer called the Aviacion. It is the cusp of where the town ends and the rolling hills full of cropfields begin, and I just think it's such a pretty, relaxing place. So one evening, ing, Ann, and I went out with a bottle of wine and a bowl of fruit to sit and talk and watch the sun set.
Ignoring the obvious corniness, for me it was really a special time and exemplifies what a wonderful visit we had. Just to be able to be myself, have some girl time with my friends, have two weeks of doing only enjoyable things, let go of all of my worries, and when I couldn't push them out, having people who know and understand me to confide in... It was incredibly refreshing. Having visitors makes me remember who I was and all of the things I did before this, and it helps me bring back those parts of me. I have been undoubtedly blessed with such amazing friends and family who have supported me during this, and some have even taken the time, money, and sacrifice to come know my reality which is such a kind gift. But the most precious gift is knowing that when I come home and am once again uprooted and lost and merging my two worlds, these same people will still be there helping me get through.
I love you Ing and Ann!!
(And all of my other wonderful friends too!!)

bitter.cold.

I have always loved cold weather.
Fall is my favorite season. I love the month of October, the bright changing of the leaves, the crisp, cool breeze on an early autumn night. I love football and pumpkin spice lattes, boots, sweaters and scarves, Halloween and Thanksgiving, and the excitement of winter and Christmas right around the corner. I love snow and ice, hot chocolate and cozy couches, and the nip on your nose as you step out into a winter wonderland.
That being said...
I HATE winter in Paraguay!!!
June and July have turned into dreaded months for me, and I despise cold weather here. The Paraguayans say - How are you so cold if you live where it snows? People in the United States imagine - It can't be that bad. Let me paint you a picture...
During the day temperatures linger between 40-60 degrees. When the sun goes down, temperatures dip into the 40s and 30s, occasionally frosting overnight. Add the humidity, making the cold even heavier.
The weather in itself though is not what makes the winter so miserable. It's the fact that you cannot escape it. Houses and buildings are made of brick or wood with no insulation. Oftentimes, there are holes and broken windows where the wind can enter. There is no heat or fireplace. People sometimes light charcoal or have a small electric heater, but there really is no way to heat up a room. The most common and enjoyable ways to stay warm are drinking mate, sitting in the sun, or laying bundled up in your bed.
The cold is so terrible; it's impossible to fully describe. You can't feel your toes, you have a chill that continuously runs up and down your spine. And, I guess as it has to, life continues just as normal. People still work, there is still school, people still have birthday parties and meetings, despite how hard it is to get up in the morning or how many layers they have to don.


Despite the cold and the numbness, the bitterness that I feel inside and out is what does me in during the Paraguayan winter. And the hardest thing is deciphering whether it comes from the shame of the luxuries of central heating, warm clothes, and cars that spoiled me in the States or the resentment for the way people just indifferently adapt to less-than-pleasant circumstances rather than changing them.
Or maybe it's just from the cold itself.

Are you two brothers??

My goodbye with Mom and Brian was eased by the fact that my other brother, Will, would be staying with me for 3 more weeks. Unlike the visit with my family which was back to back with plans and schedules, these 3 weeks with Will were much more open and tranquilo, these being euphemisms for slightly slow and boring. Through the span of his 5 weeks here, Will got to experience the full spectrum of my life here, with its highs and lows, sun and rain, social outings and down times, endless chatter and silence.
A majority of our time in Paraguay, we spent in Natalio at my house. We would wake up every morning at 7 to the clanging, hammering, as well as singing of the construction workers next door. (Whyyy does everything have to start at or before 7 AM?!?!?!?!) Our days were usually centered around one specific event, and we spent the rest of the time bumming around. Since I conveniently broke my Internet modem the day my family arrived, we were left with an even more genuine Peace Corps experience seeing as we were cut off from our source of contact, information and entertainment. Will went through quite a few Sudoku books, and I spent lots of time reading and writing. As you can imagine, the best part though were the countless thoughtful, inquisitive conversations that we had. Seeing as we haven't lived together in over 6 years, it was great having the liberty of time to kind of get to know more deeply the people we have each become.
We also watched a lottt of movies! My best bud Erik is constantly switching around movies and TV shows with other Volunteers and has stocked my Mac with a very extensive collection. (It is nothing compared to his external hard drive though!) We made it through all 7 Harry Potters, a majority of Planet Earth, and a couple classics such as Talladega Nights and The Hangover. One of the most interesting movies we watched was Restrepo, a documentary on the war in Afghanistan. It was one of those long conversation starters, and we both found ourselves unsure as to what to feel. Ironically enough this coincided with the killing of Osama Bin Laden, which we discovered in the cyber cafe, giving us yet another topic to discuss. On that same day, I had gone out for a run and ran into the 2 Mormons in my town. When I stopped to say hi to them, I commented to my fellow American the news, seeing as they are limited to even less Internet access than me. The American Mormon made some weird comments in response; then we said bye, and I continued on my run. I was already a couple blocks away when I realized it -- the Mormon had thought I said OBAMA was killed!! In a state of panic, I turned around immediately, running through the streets asking people where the Mormons had gone. When I hadn't found them, I had to finish my run with a guilty conscience. "The poor guy thinks our president has been assassinated, and it's all my fault!" One block from my house in a rush to tell Will about the misunderstanding, and who do I conveniently see but my suit-sporting friends waiting for me on the corner. Apparently they too had realized the mistake and had come to clear up the confusion. We laughed and laughed, and Will was craaacked when I got home and told him.
Luckily we didn't spend everyday holed up in my house. We had lots of invitations for social events, lunches, terere dates, and birthday parties. "Wili" as he soon came to be called in town, was such a charmer with the Paraguayans! Although they couldn't really understand each other, Wili came to make many friends. Despite the language barrier, the kids loved to play with him, and the adults loved to joke with him. On the day of the Paraguayan soccer rivalry game, Will quickly chose Olimpia as his team and cracked everyone up at the lunch table when he refused to drink cerveza from a Cerro glass. One man came to love him, asking him what he thought of the Paraguayan women and then offering to lend him his car to go riding around town if he wanted. It was hilarious watching him play soccer with Pipo and Diego, them constantly yelling instructions to him in Spanish and him just running around.


To split up our time in Paraguay, we had planned a 5-day trip to the southern tip of Argentina, Patagonia. Being lovers of mountains and snow, we were pretty excited for our trip, but once we arrived in El Calafate, our expectations were highly exceeded. Pointy snow-capped mountains, turquoise lakes, vibrant fall leaves sprinkled with snow; we were in heaven. We found a tiny 4-room charming hotel called Hospedaje Lautaro owned by a young Argentine family. When we were checking in the woman, Belen, asked, "Are you 2 brothers?" and we laughed and said yes. They were wonderful hosts, greeting us every morning with a homemade breakfast and giving us honest and helpful tourist information. The base town for our trip was El Calafate, a charming small mountain town that reminded us of Blowing Rock. We walked around the Laguna and got to see a flock of flamingoes! We enjoyed delicious Argentine food; Will was addicted to the cheeseburgers, and I had a weakness for all the coffee and desserts!


We loved El Calafate, but we didn't travel to Patagonia for Argentine cuisine and shopping! The most incredible part of our trip was the 2 days we spent in the Parque Nacional Los Glaciares. Wili being the outdoorsman that he is led us on a 5 hour hike deep into the park. The exercise in the snow was exhilarating, and the natural beauty was breathtaking. I believe the pictures speak for themselves.

After winding and climbing through the rivers, inclines, and lookouts, we made it to our campsite at the base of Mount Fitz Roy right before sunset. We were the only ones choosing to camp in the snow, and we quickly tucked ourselves into our sleeping bags before we got too cold. We shared a pleasant dinner of peanut butter tortillas and then enjoyed a 2 hour pillow talk before dozing into the night. We woke up the next morning, packed up and made our way back into town. After lunch with a tall waterfall in the background, we enjoyed the warmth of a coffee shop and boarded the bus back to El Calafate right as the rain arrived. Perfect timing.


Our last day, we ventured out to see the Glaciar Perito Moreno, the tourist attraction of El Calafate. The closer we got, the more we realized why it was so popular. The immensity of the glacier was so humbling! Its surface area is bigger than Buenos Aires, and it's about 250 feet tall. As you stand gazing at it, you then hear and see pieces breaking off and remember that it is a river of ice that is constantly moving and changing. Set against a backdrop of purple mountains and clear water, we were blown away by the beauty even when we took our eyes off of the glacier. Nature is so powerful!

The next day we reluctantly returned to Paraguay, sad to leave the comfort of the mountains. But we arrived back in Natalio just in time for some festivities! For Will's birthday (May 15th), we were supposed to celebrate Paraguay's Bicentennial, but unfortunately it rained so everything was canceled. Instead we celebrated it the following day at my friend Felicia's house. It also was her niece and nephew's birthday so we had a big asado lunch, complete with chipa guasu and cake. We stuck around for a while after lunch, and later made chipa with all the women. They pretty much laughed the entire time at Will's and my inability to knead the chipa dough; we were happy to give them such entertainment. We came home with a bag full of chipa, and I think Will was happy to have an overload of his favorite Paraguayan food in his last days in Paraguay.


Seeing as Will's flight out was on the 20th of May, we decided to celebrate my birthday (the 19th) in Asuncion. We did a birthday dinner at TGIFriday's and enjoyed 2-for-1 burgers and brownies (241BBB). Friday morning we made it to the airport and waited in a pleasant 2 hour check-in line. Our goodbye was rushed so that Wili wouldn't miss his flight, and as I walked away, I felt a big sadness rush over me. It felt weird not having my buddy by my side; I was solita otra vez. But after learning many coping strategies in my time here, my tristeza had waned by the time I made it home, and I was ready to get back to work, back into a routine.
Having Willy here with me was wonderful, and I love dwelling on all the great memories of our time together! Te quiero mucho Wili!!!