And then finally, December came. Beautiful, tranquilo, HOT. Aside from Art Camp 2K10 which I put on for a week with Erik for his students in Yatytay, my only goals for the month of December were to relax, read, and spend time with people. In November, as I ran from place to place, I hardly had time to talk to my neighbors, play with the kids, or even drink terere! Now that, in Paraguay, is inexcusable. So in December, my days were left open. I could sleep as late as I wanted and wake up with my only plans being to wander and be free. Life was good.
December flew and soon arrived Christmas and New Year's. Lots of houses put up Christmas lights and artificial trees. Everywhere you looked, there was red and green, but unlike in the US, the Christmas colors here came from sandia, watermelon. December and January is watermelon season, and in every household, it is common to see people sitting outside with a half of a watermelon in their laps, eating it with a spoon. I quickly adapted to this custom and spent many days after lunch scooping out juicy sandia as my dessert. Paraguayans celebrate Christmas and New Year's at midnight and both in the same manner. Starting on Christmas and New Year's Eve, everyone cooks a huge asado feast and around 9 or 10, the family eats dinner altogether. Then cold Brahma beers are passed around until the clock strikes 12 when everybody shoots off fireworks, cheers to a sweet champagne, and gives hugs and kisses all around. I spent both holidays with my host family, and both nights, we headed over to Ceferina's sister's house where the whole family came together to hug, kiss, cry, dance, and drink more beer. Both holidays were very calm (and slightly boring) as compared to the big to-dos that we have in the States, but surprisingly enough, I never had an emotional breakdown, an overwhelming homesickness, as I had expected. Christmas morning I handed out the presents I had bought to my host family, their 1st ever Christmas presents, and they loved them. Ceferina even cried. I video Skyped with my family, and as they went around opening their presents, I also opened my presents from the Christmas package that my mom had sent me. I was thrilled to unwrap Ziploc bags and Clorox wipes, Sharpies and a French press. I honestly had a great Christmas, and I felt very blessed for all of the wonderful people and places in my life.
In January, opa la vacacion; my vacation was over. I went back to work, giving a summer school course with the principal of my school for children who didn't pass the grade. Out of 380 students, 76 didn't pass, 47 of the 76 being in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade. I taught literacy, 3 courses a day, and the principal taught math. I thought this would be an easy and effective way for me to help the students and at the same time, validate to the teachers that my ideas and strategies work. In reality, it was quite the opposite. Instead of feeling like I had success with the students, I really ended up feeling very frustrated and hopeless. Instead of producing students who could miraculously read and write, I diagnosed the students as having very low basic skills, a lack of imagination, and inability to work independently and think for themselves. It was very depressing and still, until now, leaves me questioning my ability to have an impact, to make a real difference here.
But, if I wasn't a dreamer, I would have never signed up for the Peace Corps. The other day, I came across this quote. "You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only. You have no rights to the fruits of work. Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working. Never give way to laziness, either... Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender... They who work selfishly for results are miserable."
I see it as, I can't only work or try things with the end product in mind because I might always end up disappointed. I have to approach this situation from all different angles, keep trying different ideas and strategies hoping that maybe one of them will pull through. School has now started, and I have become very aware that I only have one more year here. Instead of letting myself get down, I am committed to making the most of it, for myself and my Paraguay.
